Monthly Archives: July 2005

Not much..

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Not a whole lot to report on. Doing pretty good on the Lexapro I think. Only had the barest moments of anxiety now and then. Daddy went to see Tat tonight. I worked out and have been doing my pushups in order to improve for the school. I kinda took a hit the other night in class cause I’m pretty much front and center of the class.

Saw Stealth. Was action packed and a little surprising. Also saw the Pacifer. Interesting disney flick. Daddy would have hated it. I’d LOVE to see the Vin fanfic off that film. LOL

Been reading the 5th Harry Potter book to prepare for the 6th I bought. I’ve also been doing a ton of readings and have been working on my Gifted Reader site. It’s looking good if I do say so myself. I got a voice mail number to take appointment requests on but so far no calls. I’m sure it’ll happen eventually.

Off until Later.

On the flip side

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787432I hate titles…LOL. How’s it going gang? I haven’t written in a while obviously. Daddy and I are getting ready to head out to meet Tat at Great Adventure. It’s gonna be a mellow day and I’m looking forward to it. Things are going ok. I finally got my Welbutrin in the mail. It came today. I saw the Dr and the therapist last Thursday. The Dr gave me Lexapro for my anxiety. I felt bad cause I had a serious attitude with both of them. I don’t know what happened…I was ok until I had to stop by the Charity Care office and then it all just went to hell.

I was weepy and apathetic with the therapist and defensive and annoyed with the Dr. I kept trying to tell him I’d had generalized anxiety the weekend before and he kept asking me what was stressing me out. It was stressing me out that I had generalized anxiety. LOL. He asked me what I’d been doing and when I said watching TV he asked what I’d been watching. I seriously doubt BattleStar Galactica was making me anxious and it was clear I thought so by the tone I used with the Dr. I ended up appologizing to him but in the end he agreed that we could try Lexapro as long as I didn’t take the Kava Kava while I was on it. I can go with that. If it works that’s one less thing to buy.

Tarot and work have been going pretty good. I’ve been getting a decent number of calls and I’ve been helping Flagg make arrangements for an online seminar he’s going to be doing. I’m providing the NiteFlirt girls. I’ll be happy if just one of my ideas makes a hit and I think it’s turning out that this one will. I updated the Estate page to help promote his seminar and I am almost done moving all our domains to the new server. I plan to make a Keen page to send my Keen customers to with the hope they’ll find the hidden link to my gifted-reader site. You have to be sneaky if you are trying to get clients of your own. As far as I know it’s not against Keen TOS to have a website with links to other websites and since I’m not telling them to go to the website it should be ok.

See yas later!

Quick news

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Tinkerbell_x2035036362_iaaHey gang. This is a quickie. I’m dead tired. I had a great overnight stay with Tat. The massage I got was heaven! Thanks to a friend for some help on that. Daddy is over tonight and will be there until Monday morning. I’ll be doing some work and then a little relaxation tomorrow.

Some quick news. If any of you try to go to the site and it down or if you try to get to chat and can’t, we are switching hosting companies. We are ditching the T and going to an offsite server. It will be less money and provide some possible benefits for a few of our projects as an aside. Sites plan to be all moved by Tuesday. I’ll keep you posted for the new addy for the chat room when it’s back up.

That’s it for now. I’m off to sleep!

Waiting…

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MoneyWaiting to go back to the Dentist in an hour. Was due at 9 but because I might have a chipped tooth and possible ear infection as a result I have to change the cleaning to xrays and whatever can fix the problem.

I got up at 3:30am cause I couldn’t sleep and tossed and turned the few times I tried to go back. I’m just hanging out trying to keep myself busy while I ignore my jaw and ear.  

For good news, I’ve been doing well on my task lists and I think it makes me feel more productive and less depressed. I’m still evaluating.  I’ve been working out each day except last Tuesday due to being a little sick.

Among the projects I’ve been working on is my “Gifted Reader” site. I have the basics up now I just need to fill in the blanks. But I think it looks awesome. Props to Daddy for helping on the header.

GTD: Setting up Outlook

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I just started working out the best way to apply GTD. I’ve found that Outlook’s Task list is really useful once I configured it and learned how to work it. It took me a little while to figure out the best way to VIEW it but here’s what I came up with. Some varying may be helpful to you depending.

Veiws: You can manage your views by going to View, Arrange by, Define Views, Create or Modify and existing view.

My_view (create your own personal view by doing above then using or these parameters. I took the default on all other settings but some modification can be made for what’s useful to you)

Fields: Icon, Priority, Attachment, Subject, Status, Due Date, Actual Work, % Complete, Categories, Complete, Recurring
Group By: Due Date (decending)
Sort: Recurring (descending), Complete (ascending), Due Date (descending), Priority (descending)
Filter: Tasks: Advanced = Due Date (today), Due Date (in the next 7 days) Due Date (does not exist), Status (Not Started), Status (In progress), Status (Waiting), Status (Deferred)

All other options are default.

The only other views I use are Completed and Overdue (though the other views could be helpful)

Overdue:
Group by: Due Date (Decending)
Sort: Due Date (desc), Priority (desc)
Filter: Tasks:Advanced – Complete = no, Due Date – on or before yesterday

Completed:
Group by: None
Sort: Date Completed (desc)
Filter: Tasks: Status Completed

Again the other views can be useful AND modified to make things that are important to you easier. The above is what works for me.

I’ve also come to find that because of the way my brain works I often start a task and realize that there are a few other tasks I need to do before I can actually start it. It’s helped me realize I need to set aside time to double check my task items and make sure they don’t need to be broken down any further in order to be done.

Example: Pick up prescription.
I might not have thought about it but when I do I realize I need to:

Call Dr to phone it into pharmacy
Check pharm that they received presc.
Check prescription ready to be picked up.

For those of you who’ve been doing GTD for a while you probably already know this…but for those of you who want to electronically keep track of what you’ve done for the day, you end up adding tasks and then checking them off AFTER you’ve done them.

Hope that some of this is useful.

A good day…

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Barbie_doll_7131950817864_iaaHey! Throwing something up because I didn’t want you guys to think I’d forgotten about posting.  We saw Fantastic Four tonight and I really liked it. It helps that Jessica Alba is perfect and I had the hots for Chris Evans who played The Human Torch!  For those of you who like cool movie trailers…these were too good to pass up. Transporter 2 and Ice Age 2

Daddy’s doing better health wise though he still finds himself getting woosey and a little sick to his stomach after long amount of time working. I found myself with a headache, a small fever, and naseau besides yawning every five minutes today. I hope I’m not gonna go through the wretched puking he did. Gross…I know. That’s why I don’t want to do it! LOL I had to go help teach but I didn’t take my class. I’ll be teaching the rest of the week except for Friday because I’m heading down to spend the night with Tat. Saturday we are hitting the spa and I can’t begin to tell you how much I’m looking forward to it. It was a present from Daddy.  Who says the man is heartless?

Ok…I’m off to try and convice Daddy sleep is in order. More laters.

 

Focusing…

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You may notice (or not) a change in my header. I went from “illusive lucidity” to “it hurts to be beautiful”. I wanted to find something that summed up why I keep this site, like “if the collar fits” does for her site. It took me a while to come up with this and I’m not totally sure it says it all but it’s suppose to sum up that my main goals are to work hard on becoming a better person (in all aspects of my life) and that it’s usually not very easy for me to achieve this goal. That this blog is a result of me talking about those things and how I’m getting there, etc. It’s also something my mom always use to say to me when I complained about how much the tangle in my hair hurt while trying to get them out. Kinda like “suck it up and stop complaining”. So…there ya go.

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Day 1…again…

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“Hello, my name is Kimi and I have been fuck-up free for 0 days.”

I may talk about this or similar things in the future so lets lay out some definitions here real quick.

  • Lv 1 – 5 : not really worth mentioning
  • Lv 6 – required a discussion and I’m feeling pretty crappy
  • Lv 8 – kill me now but it’s ok  (my tone needed correcting and I fell back on bad habits)
  • Lv 9 – We really don’t want to be here cause 10’s just around the cornor…litterally.
  • Lv 10 – Let’s just say if we’re here…my world has ended.

Veza87111967856_iaaOk..now that we got that settled..  We have to start over cause it was a Lv 6 day. It put a serious damper on the rest of my day. It’s funny how the rest of your life mimics things that are bothering you. I very rarely notice how disrespectful and rude the teens are at karate until I’ve had a period like this happen to me. I’m slowly growing to the point to where I don’t really care if they learn anymore. And I’d tell them that…except I don’t really think they’d care. What do they care if they have my disapproval?

I flashed on this mostly cause I had to mention to one of the girls that she needed to count louder when she insisted on letting me know that she WAS counting when I corrected her. I looked at her and Daddy’s words came out of my mouth. “It has to be easier to x….” In her case…count…if they don’t they have to do whatever it is…AGAIN.

This can’t really hold the same for me. Let’s take an example. You’d think it would be easier for me to do my pushups at home…then to get Sensei’s dissapproval at Karate when I can’t do them all. And because I’m me…most the time it is easier to just do them at home. But what about the times when I can just shrug that off? Is it easier to do them then to just let him yell at me when I’m feeling pretty good about myself and don’t really let it bother me that he’s dissapointed? No…it’s easier to let him yell. So…self motivation again rears it’s head and goes “nanny nanny boo boo!” I mostly just wanted to point out this revelation.

Switching subjects for a second…I’ve started corresponding with a new friend who is a 24/7 sub like me. He doesn’t have many friends and I’m pretty happy that I can share my experiences with him. However, he mentioned something that caught me as interesting. Most the time when you speak to any male submissive, a common theme is their beliefe that simply by being allowed to serve them, they are privilaged. I don’t think the same thing can be said for female submissives. I’m not saying we don’t feel like being owned by or being able to serve our owners are a privilage. I just don’t think we think of it that way. We serve therefore we are. Males serve, and thus are rewarded with their owners attention in their life. What do you think?

Subject change. I started some online classes today. Considering Barnes and Noble hosts classes pretty much every two months…I could concievably have new things to study every 2 months. I like this because this may give me some purpose to the times when I know I have stuff to do, want to be doing something to better myself for Daddy, and can’t bring myself to think of what it is I should be doing. So…this months classes are:

  • Forensics via Court TV
  • Screenwritting
  • Ebay (making tons of cash)

And for extra credit I’m hoping to piggy back on Daddy’s Maya Fundamentals Course (3d). Wish me luck…

Waiting for sleep…

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Image_42406For someone who’s been sleeping most the day I am so tired. Fact of the matter is that I haven’t really been sleeping all day. I’ve been getting up almost every hour or every “x” amount of minutes to do things or check on Daddy. He had some pretty serious dental work done today and it didn’t agree with him at all.

Couple the fact that he hasn’t had much sleep, didn’t eat much today, and wasn’t feeling really up to par to begin with and you have a very very sick Daddy. He’s finally resting now and that makes me happy. He’s still not a happy camper but the worst of it is over I think.

My head’s been killing me. He mentioned a few days ago he wanted me to only take 2 “asprin” a day. I say it that way because he didn’t specifically say “2 advil” or “2 ibuprophen”. So I just assumed I could only take 2 of any of the over the counter pain meds I had. I understood why…to much will do some pretty serious damage and I’ve been pretty concerned about it myself. I supplemented my 2 “asprin” with sinus/allergy pills but they didn’t have as much effect as they have in the past. So it’s not fully sinus/allergy. There is pain in my neck and my temples aside from around my nose and above my eyes. We were able to talk about it a little earlier and he said as long as I rotated that was better and I didn’t just have to go cold turkey on the pain meds. We think I should check into the basic allergies I might have. I plan on talking to the Dr about it when I get to go at the end of August. (Hint: When you are on charity care…they don’t really care how long it takes them to see you. So unless your dying…it could be a while.)

I’ve been fairly calm the last few days. Part of me wonders, now that I’m back on Welbutrin SR and not XL if that has something to do with it. I still find small moments of anxiety about the oncoming day or whatever but I seem better. I feel like I’m in AA. “Hi I’m Kimi and it’s been 5 days since I’ve seriously fucked up.” Maybe counting the days will prevent the “comfort zone” from setting in that allows the mistakes. 2 days down on writing in my GJ. I have to do today’s but I’ll do it later after I’ve had more then a few hours of sleep in a row.

That’s all for now.