Wanted to check in real quick and let you all know I was still alive. I haven’t been doing much to check in with society in any regard. I haven’t really been playing WoW or writing here. Haven’t written on my book or kept up with friend’s blogs and IM’s. I’ve basically been sleeping, going to karate, trying to work out, dealing with anxiety and headaches, and repeating the process.
The first one is a picture of me and Betty, Tat’s brother’s dog. 
The second is one of our family pictures we had taken for Vday.
| 3/17/06 | 1/3/05 | Change | |
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Body Composition |
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| Body Fat | 36.89 | 42.41 | -5.52 |
| Weight | 153.00 | 169.00 | -16.00 |
| Lean Body Mass | 96.56 | 97.33 | -0.77 |
| Fat Mass | 56.44 | 71.67 | -15.23 |
Additional Health Indicators |
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| Body Mass Index (BMI) | 27.94 | 30.86 | -2.92 |
| Waist To Hip Ratio (WHR) | .23 | .21 | .03 |
| Your Metabolism | |||
| Resting Metabolic Rate | 1318 | 1325 | -7 |
| Lifestyle Calories | 1,120.00 | 1,126.00 | -6.00 |
| Total Calories | 2438 | 2451 | -13 |
| Your Measurements | |||
| Age | 34 | 33 | 1 |
| Sex | Female | Female | – |
| Activity Level | Very Active | Very Active | – |
| Weight | 153.00 | 169.00 | -16.00 |
| Height | 62.00 | 62.00 | .00 |
| Neck | 13.00 | 14.00 | -1.00 |
| Shoulders | 42.00 | 43.00 | -1.00 |
| Chest | 34.00 | 37.00 | -3.00 |
| Waist | 31.00 | 34.00 | -3.00 |
| Abdomen | 35.50 | 41.00 | -5.50 |
| Hips | 40.50 | 43.00 | -2.50 |
| Thigh | 23.00 | 25.50 | -2.50 |
| Knee | 14.00 | 15.50 | -1.50 |
| Calf | 13.00 | 13.00 | .00 |
| Ankle | 8.50 | 9.00 | -.50 |
| Arm | 12.00 | 12.00 | .00 |
| Forearm | 7.00 | 9.00 | -2.00 |
| Wrist | 6.00 | 7.00 | -1.00 |
You have GOT to see this!
Go forth and continue the viral video!
So you can wait for another 2 and a half hours. I had my Dr.’s apt today about my headaches and my arm. It’s the clinic and I’m on Charity Care (or suppose to be) so it’s not a shock that I had to wait but 3 hours?? Sheesh. I came in at 2pm and sat with what had to have been 35 people watching more come in and some trickle out, and some how I still managed to be THE last patient out. They actually turned the lights out on Daddy’s mom in the waiting room and left. :shaking head:
Anywho….the Dr is referring me to the Headache Clinic at the UMDNJ. Who knew they had one! :shrugs: It would be a miracle if they actually managed to take control of my headaches. He also gave me Furiocet for my headaches. Just enough to get me through until I see them (I hope).
As for the arm…he says he’s not going to bother to send me the Physical Therapy Dept because as he says my arm is strong and there’s really nothing wrong with it except severe tendonitis. His first recommendation for curing my headaches and my arm was to suggest quitting karate. Yeah…that’s gonna fly. Like a lead balloon. Then he said I should take 4 to 6 weeks off of strenuous exercise with that arm. So no pushups and no fighting or blocking. That’s going to put me so behind. 
Part of me wants to sneak in some girl pushups here at home just to keep me from slipping from where I’ve gotten but then another part of me says “how’s that actually suppose to HEAL your arm so you can get better?” Yeah yeah….you’re right. Sensei is ok with it. Told me not to get depressed. I’d work it out. Now I know the other guys are going to pass me.
3 of our old black belts who left the school came back tonight. They rejoined and everything. Sensei kept telling my peers they were going to have a rough test. I wasn’t included in that. I don’t know if it’s cause he left me out on purpous or I just wasn’t in line of sight. Daddy says it’s the second.
I made another huge mistake last night. Or rather….mistakes that have been building up from the last time caught up with me. Why does this crap ALWAYS happen close to our anniversary. I feel like every year my present ends up being that I get to stay. So I’m starting over in the process of trying to fix things. There comes a point where you just can’t say you are sorry anymore or that you’re going to try and fix it and you’ll be better. It starts to sound meaningless, let alone pointless. But what can I do but try or leave.
Daddy’s NLP book that I got him for Xmas “Frogs into Princes” has been kinda useful. I’ve tried to do one of the exercises for helping you overcome issues you don’t like about yourself. It’s unclear if it’s working. I’ll have to go into more detail at a later date as I know Daddy and I’m sure you would be interested in hearing about it.
Other then that the depression and anxiety, as well as stress has been off the chart. I’ve been keeping track of my headache intensity and frequency as well as my mood on my calendar on the wall. Even took it to show the dr. I’m gonna keep doing that and I’ll take it in again when I go to my Psych apt. I got some more kava kava for the anxiety. I simply can’t allow the anxiety to paralyse me until I can see the dr. I don’t have the time or slack for it.
That’s really all for now. More later.
Just wanted to keep you up to speed with things. Monday I tried to do some of the clap pushps and fell on my arm bad enough to not be able to use it the rest of the night. Sensei has taken me off pushups for two weeks. Next Monday I have an apt to have a Dr recommend the next course of action about that as well as my headaches so we’ll see how it goes. I”m only a little concerned about being even more behind on pushups with my time off but perhaps a rest will help it. We’ll see.
I’ve been doing quite a few calls on Keen and stuff and it’s nice to be able to take them at 2.49 a min rather then 99 cents. I’m still not getting a ton of calls but at least the few I get have a decent chance of making me some cash. It’s helping with some of my stress. LOL
I took a small break from WoW as I was getting seriously annoyed with not being able to party but I’ve had some decent luck the last few nights with help from Digi. He’s been helping me lv and I like not having to play alone. I’m helping update the Guild site and still taking as much shit as ever from the gang. I set myself up for that though sharing the url to my site and my cam. It’s all good natured though and it’s nice to be loved. LOL
Daddy’s been very supportive of the headaches and the aches and pains. When I try hard and come though he’s there to give me an extra hug and tell me he’s proud of me. It’s really nice.
I’m thinking about getting Kava Kava again. The stress and anxiety has been overwelming lately and I’m not happy to just deal. I can’t see my psychiatrist until two weeks from now so something has to give. We’ll see what he decides.
Ok so maybe I spoke too soon. A few days ago I wrote about how happy I was that I was doing fairly well in karate. That I hadn’t gotten hassled to much, blah blah blah. Yeah…ok so maybe I was wrong. Monday night was a nightmare. So many unhappy thoughts about what amounted to an hour and 15 mins. It makes me wonder if I have small premonitions in a way. Sunday I was horribly anxious all day and night. Monday afternoon it started up again and I just wanted to find a hole and hide. Then I wanted to fade out of existence so I couldn’t feel the anxiety in my hole. I dealt though and got to karate.