Lost but not forgotten

Hey. I know I haven’t written in forever and I haven’t exactly been keeping up with a daily blog. Too many things going on I guess. I’ve been really stressed the last few weeks. Relationships, school, work, health. I’d like to think I’ve been dealing fairly well but I can tell I haven’t totally been doing good cause my service started failing. To many mistakes, things forgotten, priorities lost, focus a little….unfocused. I’d like to think I’m working on getting back on track. Sometimes I feel like that comedian who does the joke about drinking…”and this time….I mean it!”

I feel old. I’m wearing bras (god help me), I’m concerned about paying bills on time instead of pushing back the due date(you’d think I would have been worrying about that one for a while), I’m not sharing quite as much as I use to and I’m keeping more of my emotions to myself. I knew I was starting to grow up when I realized Halloween and Christmas wasn’t that exciting anymore. I’m still into Valentine’s Day (so you guys aren’t off the hook for that one :P) but…you get the point.

I went out to the MAST Bar night last night. It was stressful. I hung out with DD and Tat for a while and tried to not get to embarrassed by my lack of self-esteem where sex is concerned. The dinner conversation was….interesting to say the least. It was also stressful because, while I wasn’t there to serve DD…I haven’t hung out with him much and as someone Daddy respects obviously impressions and doing the right things are important. He makes me nervous. LOL I think he does that to a lot of people. :)

B drove into the city to see me and come to Bar Night and brought me a rose. It reminded me of the first time I met him. I suppose I can’t say I don’t have SOME amount of charm to be able to get people who detest NY to come in just to see me. I tried to be upbeat but nerves and aforementioned stressed got the better of me. We see-sawed most the night.

I was bummed. I really wanted to get my boots done. I would have loved to have B do them. I would have been happy to get Blaize to do them. I’ve really been enjoying being out more and being in the scene more. It’s nice to see a happy smile to see me from people like Lolita or Blaize or a number of the TES regulars. Surprised and pleased comes across from them and as someone who wants to be liked…that’s a wonderful feeling. :)

B and I hit the dinner after I dropped Tat and DD off. We got a chance to hang out by ourselves and talk a little before I headed home. It was really nice to crawl into bed with Daddy and chill with him infront of the TV. We had a really good talk ourselves and he reminded me why I love him so much and am happy to be here.

Today I’m mostly trying to get over some kind of flu bug. Like I said…karate has been a bit stressful to and I’m out of “get out the workout” free passes. Anyway…I’ll try and write more…I’ve been posting a lot over on Pure-submission but that’s really only just a side of myself…not the full version and some of it might be a little….embellished.

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  1. [...] I’m chosing to try and stay focused on positive things that fall in line with self improvement. Working on more podcasts. Getting Sex and Power Play running and seeing if I can make some cash from it and the same with the as yet unamed Tarot/Divination Cast I have in mind. Working on podcasts for Daddy. Getting some promos, intros and outros made I’ve been asked to do. Working on Tale Chasing and comitting to a project as well as 70 Days of Sweat. Actually applying myself to my Judo practice and doing my workouts regularly. Fixing mistakes I’ve made and proving I can do it. “And this time….I mean it.” [...]