I’m hanging at Tat’s for the night. Daddy’s at home working and I feel a little bad at the amount of hours he’s had to put in lately. He’s a hard working guy and I appreciate that. I had a total blast tonight. I really really needed to get out of the house for my own sanity and luckily it worked out that I was able to come out with Tat and her girl and go to a Haunted attraction.

It was a little muddy and only a little chilly. I wore my “snow” boots cause I didn’t want to wear sneaker or my good boots to treck through the mud. Besides I wanted traction if it turned out I needed to start running. LOL. These boots are the ones I wear to shovel snow and what I wore to walk in the rain forrest in Alaska. They aren’t the kind I’d wear to the club but they definately need to be cleaned and polished now! I can’t wait! *grin*

I had a total blast selling out the girls and influencing some little girls on the Haunted Hayride. They were screaming before it even started and it was amusing to tell them that the monsters are attracted to the screams. I watched them hold thier hands over the mouth and try not to scream when the guys jumped out at them. I even pointed one guy their way. I’m evil. I sold out Tat’s girl by giving one of the “monsters” her name. She played it cool like she didn’t hear but she wanted to hit me when I confessed I totally gave her up. I did actually scream a few times myself. And I stopped dead cold when one of the chainsaw guys came at me. Predictably he went around me (they can’t touch you) and went after the girls who were backing up and screaming. I laughed a lot during the three events. I don’t generally like to be scared but it was fun to be “strong” and “confident” in an environment meant to scare the shit out of people and where people in fact are losing their shit. I needed that.

I got out part of my plot on paper yesterday and plan to finish out what’s thought out tomorrow when I get back home. I also got out some things I’d been bottling up which made me feel a little less angsty. There is more to figure out but I’m in a never ending battle of my own will to accomplish goals and follow the road I think is right so I’m not to upset about it.

I’m planning on heading to the ER on Tuesday. We’ll get them to set me up at the pain management clinic and recommend a new therapist and psychatrist. The headaches have been killer over the last 3 weeks and they have to stop. They’ve come with random naseau and that really has to stop. (no i’m not pregnant ) We’ll get it fixed. I have faith. I’m having a lot of that lately. Now I just have to get myself to the gym.

Ok I’m off to lay down. Not sure what time I’m heading home tomorrow and god knows how long we’ll all end up too lazy to get our collective asses out of bed. So…more later.

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I wrote such a serious post last time and feel a little bad cause I haven’t really done much to start the projects. I haven’t felt good the last few days. Despite feeling REALLY lazy though I’ve kept plugging away. It’s what you do in life. You have to have faith in yourself that you can do what you set out to do or you’re doomed. So I keep getting up. Sensei would be so happy. LOL

The plan is to get started on it after I get back from Pittsburg. I would write more but I just can’t seem to think of more to say. So look for an update later. Maybe even a hipcast.

Over and out.

The last few days have been hard. I just simply had a horrible day yesterday. And then I did something really f*cking stupid. It’s a mistake that’s happened in the past. One of those mistakes like that comedian says “And this time….I mean it.”

It’s actually something I’ve been working on pretty hard over on the last few months but failed to apply it to all aspects of my life. Sad really. Will I learn it this time. “And this time… I mean it.”

I’m chosing to try and stay focused on positive things that fall in line with self improvement. Working on more podcasts. Getting Sex and Power Play running and seeing if I can make some cash from it and the same with the as yet unamed Tarot/Divination Cast I have in mind. Working on podcasts for Daddy. Getting some promos, intros and outros made I’ve been asked to do. Working on Tale Chasing and comitting to a project as well as 70 Days of Sweat. Actually applying myself to my Judo practice and doing my workouts regularly. Fixing mistakes I’ve made and proving I can do it. “And this time….I mean it.”

Next week I’m going to try and go to the ER at St.James hospitol in Newark. They have a pain management center as well as behavioural clinic. The headaches need to be gotten under control. I’ve been writing down what they’ve been and it’s been high and hard to deal with. I should be able to get charity care to take care of the appointments and get this resolved in some measure.

That’s my update for now. More later.

It would appear I’m back!! I got my cam driver installed today and set up a ustream show. It’s pretty cool if my machine would get it’s crap back together. I need to get a new motherboard and fix my memory. I have to sit in a below -30 degree room to make sure it doesn’t reboot on me.

But anyway, when it’s not rebooting or going at the speed of a slug I will have the cam going and it has a chat room and sound. The chat room is always open even if I’m not there. You can get there from ustream or from my webcam page.

We’ve already got Deth back and Heidi and TNS are hanging out. If you go to the room and they aren’t there or I’m not there you can stop back by or just hang out. I want to revisit the old cam days and that means you all have to come back and talk to me and listen !! I will be putting up a page on About me about what you might find on the cam/audio if you don’t know much about me. That way you know if you want to bother or not.