kimiko dreams

By now the vast majority of people who know me know that my life has taken a drastic change and that my relationships have been seriously altered. I am responsible for these changes…some good…some bad.

I have always had this blog as a way for me to post about things I’ve learned about life and making myself a better person. Because I found myself in a position where there were people looking up to me, I also tried to be someone they had a reason to as well as a mentor and a good example. I have made a lot of progress over this last two years and come to several realizations. I’ve learned recently that in reaction to fear (while I always knew it as an issue just not that it was related to my fears) I lie. Everyone has something they do as a reaction to fear. Some people may argue and get defensive. Some people make jokes and laugh it off. Some people deal with it and then handle it rationally. There are both positive and negative ways of handling that fear. And until 2 days ago, I handled my fear by lying.

I’m having a difficult time knowing that everyone knows the extent of my dishonor and my “fear” is that I will have to live the rest of my life with everyone thinking I’m a horrible person who deserves nothing from anyone. I try to remind myself that I’m human and that so is everyone else and that no matter what they say to the world, deep down everyone knows that they themselves have made bad decisions. If nothing else I’m glad I can say that while I am one of those people, I took action to fix it. Kaizen

I don’t pretend that it is fixed, and while I’m scared to start all over while my fears snear at me from the side of the road (I’m big into analogy these days) I did the right thing and with enough work anything can be fixed.

What I am being offered is beyond anything I believe I deserve or could even imagine I would be given and I can’t thank those people enough. I want to thank everyone who’s been caring and supportive despite my actions. It means a lot to me. There are people who’s opinions matter to me, and it makes me sad that I’ve lost their respect. I know several of them will not let me gain it back. And that hurts.

I want so many things (always have), and among them I would like to be someone who’s worth being looked up to. Someone who’s honorable and someone who did the right thing no matter the cost and was willing to work though it all to get better.

I am sorry…but more then being sorry…I will fix it despite my fears.

Hi everyone! Things have been going really well. I found out today that I am a finalist for the Parsec Awards in the Best Writing Related Podcast category! Yay!

I had a busy weekend. Went to help Flagg as per usual and then went to hang out with Brandon and some Floating World attendees. It was a lot fun and I had a good time getting out and hanging with him.

I’m working on the next part of Guardians and still seeking a few voice actors for some characters coming up. Things are going well with Holly’s Ebook and I’m on track to deliver to her before DragonCon in TWO WEEKS!!

Things are going a little slow with the “Thinking Sideways” workshop from Holly Lisle. Partly because I’m dividing my time between projects and the class. Currently I’m trying to get in touch with my Muse, so if you see her please let her know I’m patiently waiting for her to drop back by. It’s very much worth the time and money. A lot of it is helpful for life, not just writing. So I’m really digging it. I’m also going to use it to refine Guardians.

I’m including my entry for Mur’s Stories from the Third Wave in prep for her release of Playing For Keeps on the 25th. This was the first full-cast Stories of the Third Wave. Love Lines producer, editor, and concept created by Kimi Alexandre. All the participants created their own characters and their own lines for Love Lines.

* Dora Holly – Kimi Alexandre
* Jason Block – Jason Block
* Amora - Ivy Reisner
* Bruno – Chad Henderson
* Shelly – Paulette Jaxton
* Julie - Pamela Templin
* Kim - Comic Book Goddess

Love Lines - A story from the Third Wave

Curious what I’ve been doing with my time? Well some of the posts below should give you an idea and don’t worry, I’m planning on doing a quick update via podcast shortly to tell you what all I’ve gotten myself into…but I know tons of people are waiting on the release of chapter 1 of Guardians. Head over there now and find out what’s up with that!

It’s official, Flagg’s book “The Forked Tongue” is now available for purchase. Here is part of the text from the rear dust jacket.

“This book is not comforting; it does not reassure. It does not teach anything a decent person needs to know. It is a book about BDSM, but it will teach you nothing about tying knots, swinging floggers or spanking. It does not comfort, it does not attempt to reach the vanilla public.

This book addresses control, it addresses change. The recreational uses of humiliation, conditioning, psychological torture, hypnotism and interrogation techniques are explored and laid bare, broken into usable steps and understandable, applicable concepts. It is a workshop of ruin, the tools necessary to cement lasting alteration and unforgettable experiences for those few who truly crave them.” – Flagg, The Forked Tongue

I am really proud of how the whole project worked out. Lot’s of folks helped bunches (I’ll leave specific thanks for Flagg to make at a later date) and while this is the first publication by Power In Practice… it certainly will not be the last.

Thanks again to everyone!

Two other friends of mine are giving away the pdf’s of their books free as promotion for their 8.8.08 release on Amazon! Check them out!
The Pitchers Pendant by Tee Morris - PDF
Digital Magic by Philippa Ballantine- PDF

I was editing my PG Holyfield interview (like a good girl) and realized I should tell you about this past weekend or I’ll forget and never tell you.

The TESFest Volunteer party was Saturday from 7-10pm. I gave Jeff a hard time cause all he provided for us was pizza. Nice thought but where the hell was the candy. OH! That was for the “real” party afterwards. Gotcha! LOL. Did I mention I was wearing my boots all night?? I was quite the happy frisky Kimi. (frisky as in take no shit…give lots)

One of the guys I see at Paddles all the time, whom I can only assume is sub since he always has a collar and is always speaking to women as if they are more dominant then him, asked if I’d lock him in a cage. *shrugs* Sure….LOL He asked if he could get naked and after I made sure all I had to do was lock him up and leave him there for a while I said, why not! I “locked” him up with carabeeners…one on the cage, one to each wrist to the cage. He stayed in there a little over an hour. Most the time I just walked past him. A few times I asked if he wanted out yet. He was always very polite and asked if he could stay in a little longer.

I finally got to play with Peek! She’s a very cute, very funny and bubbly Asian girl who was on the Security Staff. Her owner had said I do go fire play on her at TesFest but it didn’t work out so I let them know I’d be at the party and they showed up for it. It was my first solo fire play scene. I was kinda nervous but Peek seemed trusting which put me at ease. It was a first for her too so she did really well. I only had one moment of not getting the fire out instantly on peek but she didn’t freak and I managed to not freak and get it out. Her owner reminded me I could light my hand on fire and touch skin so I started doing that alot. I only had it not go out twice but I figured out how to get it to die by flicking my hand out. Props to me for not wiping it on my skirt and lighting myself on fire!

A few times I went to dip my fire stick into the alcholol but stopped myself before I did. LOL Tat was really cool and lead some of the gawkers away and Daddy stayed and did crowd control. I was so happy I did well and I really enjoyed it! So now I list punching, boot worship, and fire play to things I like to do as a top.

Daddy tried out his sap gloves on me after doing a needle scene with Tat. I used them a little on one of the girls there who was more then happy to let me punch her back for a while. Took me some time to get the hang of hitting with the shot correctly. Made me feel stupid like I didn’t know how to hit. LOL

Daddy also experimented with “cell popping” or micro branding a little. If you look at my flickr you’ll see a few pictures of the marks. They look like bug bites really. Don’t expect them to stay that long.

There were some volunteers who couldn’t make it that I missed seeing but I understood not everyone could come. But I was a happy girl cause I had my shiny boots that I’d had done at TesFest and I fit nicely into my teal school girl skirt and a new vest that showed my cleavage nicely.

In other news, I was nominated for a parsec award for best writing related podcast. I was a voice in a short podcast piece “Divine Fire“, and I’ve been hanging on cam more while I do work and edit all the audio I’m behind on.

I’m trying to raise money to actually get to DragonCon to find out if I won the parsec so if you’d like to donate feel free! I’ve been doing lots of Keen, Niteflirt, and Advice calls to help on that front. So call if you are bored, want to donate, and actually get something out of it.

Hi everyone. I feel so out of it so I don’t know how long this email will be. TesFest went fairly smoothly. There were a few mixups and a couple volunteers who didn’t show up or let me know they weren’t coming. But the volunteers I did have helped me cover for it.

I had a good time. It was really nice to hang out with friends and family. It was nice to feel like I was a solid adult who could handle problems and take care of myself. I think I did well and didn’t really get in trouble. Managed touchy situations pretty well. I could have found time to hang out with the family more though and I feel kinda bad about that.

I got my boots done and they are beautiful. I made connections with a few people who wanted to play even though it didn’t really work out. I got to wrestle with BootBlack Jim and Brandon and even a second or two with Andersen and it was really fun.

I got to watch someone grow up and realize things about themselves and that made me really happy for them.

I got a lot of thank yous and compliments from people at the event. That was nice. It made me feel good. I even had a two hour period where I felt like I was the hottest thing walking around which made me feel amazing. I still say I wish I could bottle that feeling up and drink it when I get moody.

I’ve been kinda down since I got back. I’m so sore and tired. It’s hard to want to get back to work. And it turns out there was a problem at home and I need to go and visit my Mom. So I have to delay the podcast interviews and first chapter another week. I’m sorry but I’m also hoping everyone can forgive me for it.

That’s about all for now. I’m leaving Friday to go to Kansas but I’ll be back Tuesday evening. Hopefully I can get everything I need to to catch up done before that time.

I want to thank everyone for being so patient and hanging on. This post is to give you a heads up of where I’ve been, what’s going on, and what my plan is. You all know I’ve been very busy this last month with different projects. Here’s the things I’ve been doing:

• Writing and recording Chapter 1 Guardians
• Setting up GuardiansNovel.com
• Editing previous recorded Interviews to put up on TaleChasing soon
• Organizing all the volunteers for a BDSM festival next weekend
• Scheduling all the security volunteers for said event
• Helping with the scheduling of other events at said event
• Doing a final edit of my friend’s new book being released at said event - The Forked Tongue
• A complete server move for over 25 domains I’m associated with
• Planning and beginning the write of Chapter 2 of Guardians
• Taking Advice, Tarot, and “other” calls to make a little extra green
• Working out like a dog to loose some weight for the event

Whew…I’ve been busy.

Here’s what my next week and change looks like:

• Finishing placing a few spots left to fill at the event
• Organizing sheets and giving out all my volunteers their final hours for the event
• Finishing up the server move
• Taking a few extra calls for the cash
• Packing for the event
• Dying my hair before the event
• A small shopping trip to Khols before the event
• And then Thursday - Monday running around like mad and hopefully having some fun at THE EVENT!

What am I planning for after the event?

• Doing finishing edits on 3 interviews
• Putting up the PG Holyfield Interview
• Putting up the Mur Lafferty Interview
• Putting up the Tee Morris/Philippa Ballantine Interview (I did today)
• Putting up the first Chapter of Guardians
• Making some cash on phone calls so I can go to DragonCon
• Writing and putting up the 2nd Chapter of Guardians

And there you have it….where I been, what I’m doing, where I’m going. So hopefully you can understand why there has been a delay in not only podcast episodes for here…but for Guardians as well. Thank you for your understanding. Peace out

more cat pictures

I’ve been doing really well the last few days. TesFest is gearing up and I’ve been doing my volunteer director duties every day now for a few weeks. I’m pretty proud of how it’s coming together. I’ve almost got all the volunteers we need…but not totally yet! Last night I decided (since I was still awake and jazzed about the stuff I was doing) to make a promo for TESFest and I LOVE how it turned out! Listen here!!

I also got another PowerInPractice Episode up.
I’ve gotten all the voices cast for the 1st Chapter and I’m hoping to record it tonight or tomorrow then piece it together. I’m very excited about it all.

I also learned how to make databases and transfer them and whole sites from one server to the other. They haven’t all be flawless transitions but at least 2 of them are ….mostly working. LOL
But hey, I consider myself doing damn fine work considering I’ve been up since yesterday afternoon with a 2 hour nap!
Take that! ::does the Oliva Munn up yours dance::

This book is not comforting; it does not reassure. It does not teach anything a decent person needs to know. It is a book about BDSM, but it will teach you nothing about tying knots, swinging floggers or spanking. It does not comfort, it does not attempt to reach the vanilla public.

This book addresses control, it addresses change. The recreational uses of humiliation, conditioning, psychological torture, hypnotism and interrogation techniques are explored and laid bare, broken into usable steps and understandable, applicable concepts. It is a workshop of ruin, the tools necessary to cement lasting alteration and unforgettable experiences for those few who truly crave them.

From The Forked Tongue:

“This is not a 101 or “BDSM for everyone”. Actually, this is not really for anyone.

Most of the things that are in this book I cannot sanction anyone doing to anyone else. Except, of course, that we do, and we will, and we want to. So here are tools to do them well, to do them ethically, and to enact your own, terrible sacraments. We seek to ascend, so we descend.

I called this book a mixed message, a perverse architecture, and so it is. The keystone of this edifice is inscribed with the heart of all these chapters, these words cut at cross-purpose:

“Here is something you should never do to anyone.
And here is exactly how to do it to someone you care about.”
(back cover text)

Available as of TES Fest, July 4, and through online book retail

I didn’t origionally like Danity Kane when they came out but I’m totally in love with their latest song. I love the harmony and well they look pretty damn hot in it too.
Enjoy